No name

I escaped cancer...long story.
Something worth to actually blog about, the experience.
but not now...

My time here is up...moving to greener pastures they say. I dont know bout that yet. Sadness is sinking in for i have to leave these beautiful people behind but it also feels good to leave this shitty management. Overwhelmed with mix emotions.
2.5 years suddenly feels so short now. I've made real friends here and they are for keeps.

I can feel blood rushing through my eyes, my nose and my ears, figuratively speaking....thats how bad it is.
A lil more patience will do me good, thats all im asking to keep me going.

It's just funny how a person who obviously has got the upper hand over the whole situation can just waltzed around without a tad bit of realization on how the other person is holding on despite the pain and misery that they are going thru. That's just how it works. Now, i don't think its funny, i think it is sad.
You need to master the art of hiding your pain, anger, bitterness and all that is not nice to be able to go thru the day. When you think that's a skill that you've mastered well enough...then suddenly another person just sees right thru you. That's when everything will hit you in all kind of directions. You wish that life is so much simpler, you wish for a chance to come your way.
Life when you are barely holding on to makes you feel like crap, 3 day old crap...nasty.
Its just amazing when the moment comes and you think that you'll be alright...sometimes you'll be alright at other times...you're not. The usual.
The face smile but the heart ache. When it rains, yes it does fucking pours...

I want this and this and this...

- New set of songs on my mp3
- Heroes chapter 10 onwards
- A good book, still searching for scar tissue thou
- New pair of glasses and a wallet
- and...the long awaited, Birkenstock! after contemplating it for too long and looking at it on a daily basis on the net and doing much calculation, I've decided to buy it now that the boutique is opened in bangsar.

I don't shop often but when i do, I'm all smiles...and i don't find shopping therapeutic at all.

2006, a year not worth reminiscing at all.
2007, make up for all the lost time.

And here's to nina, thou tmrw you'll be someone's wife...still you are one of my support system, always will be! Happy for the both of you coz i know u have had it the hard way and finally things are falling into pieces like you've always imagine it would be.
Promise, no early morning breaking down calls to you next year, I'Allah!

One whole gruelling year of do/die, make/break and sink/swim. A fine line seperating it and im not sure on which end i belong...

Enjoy 2007 all of you!

Pretending that i never went to school to avoid thinking and deciding.
A no brainer just for a bit.
I could end up with a smash in my heart...again and again, so i prolonged and being indecisive is better.

ESTELLA : Say there was a little girl. And from the time she could understand, she was taught to fear. Say she was taught to fear daylight. She was taught it was her enemy, that it would hurt her. And then one sunny day...you ask her to go outside and play, and she won't.

Can you be angry at her?

FINN : I knew that girl, saw the light in her eyes. That's still what I see.

ESTELLA : We are who we are. People don't change.

- Great Expectations

One movie we used to watch over and over again and never to be bored by it.

Falling asleep is a chore and waking up in the morning is monsterous. The feeling of tumbling tummy and expecting that everything will be dandy but who am i kidding...just myself. I wonder how it feels like to be waking up contented?

At times when i feel that the burden is pilling up...i'll hide myself in the toilet and sob my eyes out. Emotional baggage is sometimes the heaviest. At other times i'll just let the tears roll down in front of good friends, they understand and are very used to it by now, cause they know after im done brawling, i'll laugh. Thats me, im weird that way.

I've lost much weight, don't ask me how. Im letting my hair grow, again i dunno why. When looking in the mirror i wonder who is this person staring back at me.

I miss the good part of life, i miss it too much i fall sick sumtimes.